Don't Stream it Now: Iron Eh
By Lily Brown '15 and Greg Noel '15
One assumes that a movie about Nazis on the dark side of the Moon would be hilarious or awesome or redeemable somehow, and indeed, that’s what we expected. However, Iron Sky (2012) makes you feel like you have to pick up your child from the police station at 3 in the morning. When you get home you aren’t mad at them; you just want to go to sleep. Iron Sky disappoints.
While sometimes clever, and surprisingly well shot and produced, this movie has trouble landing any of its jokes. Which is a problem because it’s a comedy. Or it’s supposed to be. Now, we didn’t hate this movie. We just didn’t care about this movie. Lackluster, dull, and even though it’s just an hour and a half long, we felt as though it would never end. And then it did, and we were not satisfied.
In fact, we had a better time discussing the discrepancies of the script than we did actually watching the movie.
2:12 PM: Lily Gives Up
The movie did not impress and once again Lily and I are left at a loss of words. Like damn, we got nothing. You know it’s bad when Lily just has me take the computer and write a review because my writing skills are really not up to par.
I guess we can talk about the plot. The little plot there is. Basically a lady president (I do not remember her name) sends two guys to the moon to help boost her re-election chances. When they show up on the moon there are Nazis all up in that bitch. The Nazis then try to blow up the Earth? Take over America? It’s not too clear.
Our movie’s hero is Washington, a black man. This is relevant because the first thing the Nazis do is use ‘albinisierer’ to turn him white, with blond hair. It’s extremely offensive and he actually just looks kind of scary.
Then there is the most boring space battle I have ever watched. Like what the, how do you make space ships shooting at each other boring that shit IS AWESOME. But no, fucked over again by the god-dammed Nazis.
Don’t watch this. There is nothing I can say to make this movie worth watching, it’s not campy enough to make it funny, and it isn’t badass enough to make it interesting. Bad job guys. Bad job. Quit now. You shouldn’t be working in this business. We give Iron Sky 3¼ albinisered black men out of 10.
Fuckin’ Nazis. We should have watched Inglourious Basterds.