Bathroom Editorial: Frequently Asked Question

As Bennington’s only bathroom critic I receive a lot of questions about myself, the bathrooms I review, and their inherent quality. Here are some of the most frequently asked questions (FAQ’s) I receive:

How we’re you first introduced to this business?
I’ve been using bathrooms since I was a child. The only time I was unfamiliar with the concept of a bathroom was when one was strapped to me 24-7 as a baby. I quickly realized its use and promptly reviewed it. It was at that moment I realized my calling. Next question.

Have you ever been to the bathroom in another country?
No. I make very sure to not use the bathroom in other countries. The idea of outsourcing our toilets does not sit well with me. This is the reason all of my vacations only last three days long. Next question.

Have you ever been to a bathroom you didn’t like?
Yes. The floor. That’s why I do what I do. Next question.

Do you have a favorite bathroom?
Every bathroom is different. If I chose a favorite it will receive more attention than another. We can’t have that! Then there will be a line outside the bathroom! The bathroom would just be too time consuming for me to use. This is why my ratings of the bathrooms are completely random. Because I think ahead. Next question.

How long does it usually take to write the reviews?
About a week. The pictures take about an hour each. Every picture is framed precisely to include what I want to take a picture of. This usually takes the whole day since each review requires 8-10 pictures. The writing starts on Tuesday. I look at each of my pictures, studying what I spent all of the first day doing. Once I have given my photography the attention it deserves I write the title. On Wednesday I usually procrastinate until noon when I write the whole review then delete it because it isn’t good enough. On Thursday I decide the first letter of every sentence I will use in the review. I use this to help me decide how many sentences I want to write. On Friday I party. On Saturday I party harder. On Sunday I finish the dirty deed and set the post to be published in the middle of the week. Next question.

How long did it take you to write this?
Three moons. 

Hopefully you all understand more about me as a professional now and I can get some creditability for my work. If you are a fan of my work and you’d like me to know, just use the bathroom. I perform daily bathroom inspections for the entire Bennington campus. Maybe I’ll walk in on you!

This was easy. 
-Alex BG